Fear....it's something I've struggled with for a while. I remember dealing with it to some degree when I was younger. As I aged I became mature enough to talk myself out irrational thoughts and the fears just went away. They would creep up in different forms throughout high school and college but again I felt like I had fear under control. I used scripture and the truths in God's word to remind me that fear wasn't of God but of the devil. When Josh and I began dating and eventually marry I felt fear take root in my heart like never before. All through our relationship I could sense Satan against us (one reason I knew he was the one for me) and fear became his best weapon. All of a sudden I had more to lose. "What if..." this and "What if..." that? Now that my heart was tied to another person if something happened to him, bam, fear sets in. I prayed hard through these feelings. And the Lord gave me a verse that has become my life line:
"He (I) will have no fear of bad news. His (My) heart is steadfast trusting the Lord." Psalm 112: 7
God has been faithful and through lots of prayer and reciting this verse (and others) over and over I felt freed from fear. Sure, there'd be a thought creep up from time to time but I was no longer plagued by it. Whew! What a relief.
Fast forward to now...here I am pregnant...and you guessed it, fear! Thank goodness this isn't my first rodeo so I feel more able to stand up against the devil's schemes. But honestly the fear began before we even got pregnant.
- What if I can't get pregnant?
- What if my body is tricking me into thinking I'm pregnant?
- What if I miscarry?
- What if I go in for an US and there's no heartbeat?
- What if the baby is sick?
- What if I carry the baby full term and it doesn't live?
- And honestly, there's a "what if" for everything...
The thing about these fears is not that they are so far fetched that they could never happen. No, these are realities for some people and some of these people I know personally. Blogs, Twitter, Facebook, etc remind us that there are lots of really good people going through some really bad things! On any given day you'll see a tweet or a blog post asking you to pray for someone who is going through tragic circumstances. On one hand Facebook, Twitter, and blogs have made it easier to get thousands of people to pray together for God to move or heal or whatever the situation. That part is awesome. I confess though, most times I have to pray for those people without clicking on their blogs or websites. Sometimes an unhealthy fear creeps in my mind if I get "too close" to their story.
So why do I say all of this?? First of all because I want to share where my heart is at right now but also because I know I'm not the only one who struggles with fear. The more I talk to people, especially women, the more I realize I'm not alone. Satan is assaulting women of all ages and he uses fear to do it. We can't let him paralyze us and keep us from the adundant life.
For me, right now, at almost 12 weeks pregnant, I make a choice to trust the Lord. It's been a struggle for me at times. Its still a struggle. I don't want to buy maternity clothes yet because what if....? I don't want to shop for baby furniture because what if...? I can't even think about a baby shower because what if...?
"I will have no fear of bad news. MY heart is steadfast TRUSTING the Lord." Psalm 112:7
I will not let Satan steal my joy. Could something bad happen?Yes, but I choose to trust the Lord. Today I'm going to enjoy this pregnancy (minus the nausea, digestion problems, bloating, headache, etc.) and I'm going to let the Lord take care of tomorrow. He's already there!
So I'm sure I will continue to over analyze every pain I have or feeling I get but I will have no fear of bad news because my trust is in the Lord. I'm not in control, no matter how hard I try to be. This is very easy for me to type but sometimes I don't "feel" it. It's in those times we just keep trusting.